Going through overwhelming challenges gives us the opportunity to make a leap of growth: as we improve our handling of those challenges, we fulfill our greater purpose and potential at the deepest levels.
So‚ when your relationship feels the most trying see it as our “graduation” into your greater self and a greater life. To be really mature about such trials would be to actually feel grateful for them.
It’s not your fault when your relationship gets rocky. It does not mean that you made a mistake by entering into it. Creating a successful‚ lasting relationship with anyone will feel excruciatingly difficult at times. That’s life.
It’s also not your partner’s fault. Blaming another for how difficult your life feels distracts and blinds you from recognizing your need to grow to master this life-challenge.
When adversity befalls us‚ it’s tempting to imagine other people having it better. But this comparative thinking only deepens one’s desperate feeling of entrapment. The fact is that you really do not know the truth about anyone else’s relationship. But you can be sure that human beings and relationships are more deeply challenging than situation comedies portray on TV.
You can also be sure that anyone who promises you a quick and easy fix that will result in life-long marital bliss is selling you a can of beans. Whether you are married or single, life’s law of growth will at times challenge you to the utmost.
Here is a 7-step exercise to help you to turn your most severe relationship challenges into your greatest life-opportunities.
Step 1: Observe your emotional reaction. Experience your feelings consciously. Try witnessing them as a neutral bystander.
Step 2: Resist the temptation to blame. Remind yourself that life feels nearly unbearably impossible when it is time for you to grow the most.
Step 3: Try imagining that handling what is happening is really easy for you. Assume the confident attitude of mastery.
Step 4: Release any sense of internal struggle. Imagine that you have nothing to “fix”‚ no one to control‚ that it’s all “handled” and already working out perfectly.
Step 5: Relish any degree of harmonious inner peace and poise that you can feel right now.
Step 6: Keep your attention focused on the present. Reject any disturbing thoughts about the past or future. Accept the feeling of a problem-free life.
Step 7: Open your heart and mind to the flow of inspiration and inner guidance. Trust your inner light to guide you along a path of loving action for the good of all concerned.
The more you do this exercise, the easier and more natural it will feel, as you find greater peace and success in all of your relationships.