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Parenting your child to believe in herself unconditionally is the goal
One of the challenges you have no doubt faced, or will at some point face, in parenting your child, is teaching your child how to win AND how to lose.
One way that we prepare our children for winning WELL is by avoiding excessively praising our child’s admirable attributes or performance.
In parenting your child, if you praise too much, you disconnect the child from the positive character trait of wanting to do a good job for the pure satisfaction of doing so.
Being personally “recognized” as #1 then becomes all-important to the child, and the actual quality of work produced by the child becomes unimportant to the child.
Such children are prone to severe emotional breakdowns when they don’t come in first. Some go so far as to pursue underhanded means of being perceived as a winner, including cheating on tests and stealing trophies.
How they SEEM has come to matter more to them than who they actually ARE. This characterizes a child who has lost himself.
How can YOU tell when praising your child is actually good for him or her?
Are YOU too dependent upon receiving approval from others? Is your child? If so, what childhood experiences do you believe set you and/or your child up for that weakness?
Share your thoughts and questions about this important topic in this blog.
Here are two quotes for children that we parents can also benefit from remembering, about what is most important about winning and losing:
“Real happiness comes from doing my best, even if no one sees the good that I have done.”
“Losing is really no big deal, because real happiness comes from just doing my best.”
Parenting your child to believe in herself unconditionally is the goal.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Understanding how to work with your child’s power of imagination is important for supporting child development
Understanding how to work with your child’s power of imagination is important for supporting child development.
When children begin “making things up” it’s easy for a parent to become anxious about the need for the child to “tell the truth”.
Out of fear, the parent may over-react to the child’s made up tales and squelch the positive use and development of the child’s imagination-power.
Children seem to have an instinctive knowledge of how to use fantasy for their own good.
For instance, to protect herself from being emotionally devastated, the 5 year old son of a deceased father told his friend that his father was actually alive, but on a secret mission for the Army.
A child who was the smallest in his class told his parents one day, “Today I was bigger than Amos (the tallest in the class).
In these cases we see a wise application of the imaginative stage of child development. The child is using his new power to help himself to feel good about his life and about himself, and the child needs to feel good to behave well and perform successfully.
Do you regard the examples of making things up as behavior problems?
How does YOUR child use the power of fantasy?
Share your thoughts, experiences and questions about children’s use of imagination this blog.
Children need a strong imagination to help them to cushion the blows of harsh realities, for problem-solving, and to create magnificent goals for themselves. The child who makes things up may be revealing a gift for story-telling that is just beginning to blossom.
So we need to teach children when and how to tell the truth, but avoid giving them the harmful message that making things up is always wrong. A powerful imagination is part of healthy child development.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
This blog presents advice for parents that relates to teaching children to appreciate their lives.
Children seem “hard-wired” for impatience. It is so common for a child to say, “I can’t wait for…”.
Instead of appreciating every sacred moment of childhood, the child wants to skip over his or her life so it can already be time to go to the circus or sleep over a friend’s house.
Part of teaching children to appreciate their lives has to do with their possessions
Part of teaching children to appreciate their lives has to do with their possessions. Kids often want something new just because the see it on a shelf, but as soon as they have it, they could care less about.
I recall taking my son into a toy store once on a trip to New York City. He wanted a yoyo. He begged and begged for it. Finally I bought it for him. As we were walking out of the store he saw a pigeon, dropped the yoyo on the ground, and ran toward the pigeon. The yoyo ceased to matter the moment after it was his.
Does your child seem to feel a lack of appreciation for life or for his or her possessions? How do you typically deal with this?
Do you have ideas or advice for parents on how to teach their children to be more appreciative?
Share your thoughts and questions about teaching children about appreciation in this blog.
Sometimes a lack of appreciation turns into children behavior problems. For instance when a child shows no gratitude for a gift he receives. In a more serious way, reckless teens show a lack of appreciation for life when they risk life and limb in foolhardy antics.
So here is the advice for parents for teaching appreciation: Regardless of how your child behaves, and even when you need to be firm, demonstrate your deep, sincere appreciation for your child’s sacred presence. This models appreciation in a profound way.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Help your child realize how patient persistence pays off
Teaching persistence is one of the most valuable life-lessons you can pass on as a parent. Children who learn about this great power early in life have a “ticket” to life-success.
There are many ways to impart this great lesson to children. But it is rarely learned by merely talking about it.
One aspect of persistence has to do with breaking down tasks into small, achievable steps for the child.
When your four year old struggles to tie her shoes, for instance, try to intervene BEFORE she becomes very frustrated. (Your timing is important because when a child is frustrated the child is really not teachable).
Then, help the child handle smaller steps. You might first have her hold her laces. Praise her for this. Then you might show her how to cross the laces. Praise her again for getting this. For learning, maintaining calm harmony between parent and children is essential.
Does your child become frustrated quickly?
How do you respond to his or her frustration?
Share your thoughts and questions about teaching persistence in this blog.
You can apply this “chunk-down” method to any task, including homework and school projects, to help your child realize how patient persistence pays off.
Here are two brief “mother poems” about imparting lessons from parent to children.
Help the child handle smaller steps
1. “My love for you teaches you to love. What I say is what you will speak of. I know you learn from what I do And so I strive to model the best for you.”
2. “I want you to believe in YOU, Because to learn and improve you MUST. So I show appreciation for the best you can do. And I’m careful not to criticize too much.”
Of course one of the best ways to teach persistence as a parent, for your children, is to model it in your ongoing effort to develop your parenting skills.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Help for parents is usually focused on practical matters.
We want our kids to be practical, responsible, grounded. We want them to be reasonable.
Children believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish
But don’t we also want them to preserve their MAGIC?
After all, it is possible to be TOO practical.
In a sense, being too practical is really not being practical. Being TOO practical can cost you your optimism and prevent you from taking risks that you really ought to take. Help for parents needs to include how to relate with the child’s delicate quality of enchantment.
Children start out believing in magic. They believe that anything is possible. They believe there is nothing wonderful that they can imagine doing that they cannot in fact accomplish.
Tips for parent need to include preserving the magic of believing that anything wonderful is possible.
We need to believe in this magic. For life really is quite magical. The very fact of existence itself is really unfathomable. The most elaborate scientific theory only goes so far and always leaves us at the brink of mystery.
What are your thoughts about preserving the magical quality of a child’s spirit?
Do you believe that magic can actually help your child succeed?
What is magical about your child that you want to preserve?
Please share your child’s magic and your thoughts about this topic in this blog.
Here is some magical help for parents:
Envision your child as a sacred blessing, a winner, a wonderful human being. The magical power of vision functions as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Hitting, yelling, reacting with anger toward kids, and then blaming that on the kids, is just one example of the negative relationship pattern between children and parents that have contributed to our civilization’s decline.
It’s time for a new approach to parental control.
It’s obvious that the old approach hasn’t worked.
The adult rulers of the world have harmed the planet. And those adults were raised in the old ways.
The air did not have to become polluted, nor the drinking water. The ancient growth forests did not have to be decimated.
Mass media did not have to decline into blathering blowhards generating fear and divisiveness for a fast buck.
Our politicians could have been honest, upstanding citizens really looking out for the public good instead of the apparent corporate shills they have by and large become.
We could have discarded the use of bloody war centuries ago.
Adults set an example for children of how NOT to care for our world.
And to not care for our world is to not care for ourselves!
The roots of our world’s descent into increasingly toxic conditions, toxic physically and psychologically, can be traced to the “old school approach” to parental control.
We commonly hear adults complaining about “today’s unruly children”. What do YOU believe is the cause of the problem with ADULTS today?
Do you agree that a partial cause of destructive adult behavior is the approach to parental control by their parents during their childhood?
What adult behavior problems have YOU displayed that you can trace back to your relationship with your parents?
Share your thoughts and questions about this this blog.
Hitting, yelling, reacting with anger toward kids, and then blaming that on the kids, is just one example of the negative relationship pattern between children and parents that have contributed to our civilization’s decline.
One essential change needed in our approach to parental control must involve parents taking responsibility for the painful, unhealthy, and unhappy ways that they react to their children.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Observing how your child’s friends behave is an important part of responsible parenting, because children become like those they spend time with.
Notice how your child behaves after spending time with kids
who behave wildly. Your child will behave more wildly.
You can observe your child making facial grimaces that cause her to look like her most recent playmates
It is a “law of child development” that the child’s personality reflects the outstanding personality traits of:
The children that she spends the most time with and
Those that she has most recently spent time with.
The child who demonstrates a disrespectful attitude is leading your child into a disrespectful attitude.
You can observe your child making facial grimaces that cause her to look like her most recent playmates.
What makes it hard for you to prohibit your child
from associating with troublesome children?
Share your thoughts, comments and questions about this topic in this blog.
Parenting your children becomes easier when you limit how much time your child spends with children who display behavior problems that you do not want replicated in your own child.
The younger your child, the more deep and lasting the influence
of other children’s behavior upon him.
But whatever your child’s age, by being selective regarding whom you permit your child to associate with you can protect your child from adopting problem behaviors displayed by other children.
Here’s a parenting children tip for diminishing the
amount of time your child spends with children
whose influence you don’t care for:
When you observe your child behaving poorly after some time with a playmate, warn, “If you continue behaving this way I will not permit you to play with that child tomorrow.” Follow that up with the simple explanation: “I’m doing this because it seems that child’s influence causes you to behave poorly.”
This will either cause your child to demonstrate adequate self-control, or, if you have to follow through, it will protect your child from negative child development.
It’s usually hardest to establish playmate boundaries
when it involves a relative.
It’s not easy to disallow time spent with a cousin who acts out in disturbing ways. But when it comes to parenting, our own children are our highest priority.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Successful and stress free child behavior management is a great goal.
As parents we want to inspire our children to pursue worthwhile goals.
As parents we want to inspire our children to pursue worthwhile goals.
And there is no better way than to model our dedication to achieving great things ourselves.
There exists no greater goal in life for a parent to than the goal of great, stress-free parenting.
Children benefit in two major ways when you remain truly dedicated to this goal:
1. Your child will demonstrate more responsible and rewarding behavior.
2. Your modeling will instill in your child the drive and self-confidence to pursue meaningful goals.
What child behavior management challenges do you face?
Share your parenting problems in this blog to receive YOUR parenting solutions.
Producing great child behavior with love, and without draining anger or stress, is a process of goal setting and achievement.
Begin by setting your goals.
Think about ways your child now behaves that bother you, and consider how you would like your child to behave instead.
Here are a few examples of behavior management problems turned into goals.
• My child makes things up. I want him to be more honest.
• She brags to cover her insecurity. I want her to feel secure enough to not brag.
• My toddler throws objects when he does not receive immediate attention. I want him to be more patient and not throw destructively.
What child behaviors drive YOU crazy?
Feel welcome to share them in a blog entry for your sane solutions.
Once you have your goals for your child in mind, the next step is crucial. INCLUDE GOALS FOR YOUR PARENTING.
Children should not be your only focus. You want to improve your child behavior management with love, without unhappiness, anger or stress. You want to fully enjoy SUCCESSFUL parenting.
Keep this 2-sided goal in mind:
How you want your child to behave
How you want to feel in the process
Then work everyday on making whatever small or large improvements you can make in BOTH areas.
Little by little you will achieve improved child behavior management, and love the process more and more.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Many parents want to spend more time with their children
Children need positive parental involvement perhaps more than anything else to keep their attitude and behavior on track.
It is not only the child who benefits in crucial ways, the parent also benefits. Particularly in the first 3 years the child is simply so magical and the mutual, instinctive need for bonding so intense, that the parent’s heart is nurtured and even healed through close engagement with the child.
Many parents want to spend more
time with their children.
They recognize their child’s real need for more parental involvement. And they realize how their own heart longs for more close time with the child. But they believe they just don’t have the time.
At the same time, one of the important strengths that parents want to impart to their children is the inner fortitude that comes with the belief that “you can do it.”
We want our children to face challenges with a can-do attitude, but we do not model that attitude when we accept defeat regarding our own life-challenges.
The fact is that YOU CAN DO IT when it comes to providing your child with the loving, the positive parental involvement that both you and your child need to feel and to do great.
There are four basic steps to achieving the goal of adequate parental involvement:
Face how you really feel. A parent can sense when a child’s mood, attitude or behavior problems are a way of calling out for more parental involvement.
When you recognize the need for spending more quality time with your child, notice your attitude. If you think that you cannot do it, let go of that attitude and try to just presume that YOU CAN DO IT.
Remain open and trusting that you will find a way to at least gradually spend more time with your child, even it the progress is slow going.
Seize your opportunities, however small they may be, to increase the quantity and the quality of your parental involvement.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
Raising children successfully begins with a vision of the successful child.
Raising our children as successfully as possible requires raising ourselves.
Because our results in any area of life, including parenting, are a reflection of our levels of ability and influence, we do a better job of raising children as we remain committed to fulfilling our own higher potential.
One of the ways that we can raise ourselves to a higher level of functioning, for the good of our children, is to raise the level of our mastery over the creative power of our imagination.
Imagination functions as a self-fulfilling prophesy.
For instance, the more you imagine your child as a brat, the more you will bring out his “bratty potential”.
Raising children to fulfill their higher potential demands that we reject any negative visions of them that may occur to us.
Your child will tend to live up to the vision that you hold in your mind.
Raising children to be as successful as possible requires that we recognize HOW we imagine them, WHEN we imagine them.
If we are not self-aware enough, we won’t even realize that when we resent our child, we are envisioning our child in a negative way.
So raising children to be successful obliges us to raise our level of awareness to the degree that we recognize what our imagination is up to.
The power of imagination is something we need to run, not something that ought to run us, and we need to teach this to our children.
A message that both parents and children need to hear is: “Whatever runs your imagination runs your life!”
The more you intentionally direct your imagination to work for you (and for your child), the stronger your control over it grows.
To use your imagination, focus on a vision of what you want, including the healthy, happy and successful person you want your child to be.
Raising children successfully begins with a vision of the successful child.
Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.
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