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Parent Help For Child Meltdowns (1)

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

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Child development is hampered by instability at home

The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along

Understanding the many factors that may contribute to a child’s routine emotional

meltdowns may provide a concerned parent with the help needed for solving the problem:

  • A parent is slipping into deep states of depression or discouragement and coping poorly with that by engaging in destructive action or speech
  • The child feels frustrated by some form of instability at home, like parents not getting along, or parents discussing (or going through) separation or divorce.
  • The child routinely feels tired because she is staying up too late or not getting enough sleep (or the child is suffering from some other form of physical distress)
  • Children “melt down” (as adults often do) when they feel that they are not receiving the parent help they need when they use more calm forms of expression.  This can be the result of:
    • The parents paying insufficient attention to the child BEFORE she blows up or acts out
    • The parents responding defensively to the child’s attempts to communicate a need.
    • The parents over-relying on the child’s ability to verbally articulate her wants and needs – At least 75% of communication is NON-verbal, and to receive that message you have to observe facial expressions, physical behavior, gestures, voice tones, etc.
    • The parents interrupt and talk over the child when she is trying to express herself verbally.
  • The parents routinely express an attitude of “I am right and you are wrong” rather than expressing, “I hear and understand you and will do my best to give you the parent help you need for happiness AND responsibility”.
  • Someone in the household is modeling emotional explosiveness and blaming it on someone else.  (Usually the parent explodes in response to the child and blames the child for the anger, resentment, impatience, frustration and outburst.)

Part 2 of Parent Help For Child Emotional Meltdowns will be posted in the next parenting blog entry.

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“Secret” Skills for Success

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

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There are many commonly known skills for success, including

success-secrets

Focus on the now to feel renewed. Now is a new beginning

  • Time management
  • Clarifying goals
  • Building strategic alliances
  • Adhering to integrity
  • Pursing ongoing self-development
  • Persevering

There are also less well-known or more secret skills for success.

One pertains to an essential ingredient for perseverance: the success skill of dropping burdensome memories of how many times you have started, or of how long you have worked without results.

Achieving major goals can take a very long time;
longer than you ever thought it would
or even should take you.

Making effort can grow increasingly tiresome. If you think about past disappointments you can begin to feel discouraged.

As discouragement mounts it drains more and more of the power and focus we need to make the most possible progress toward your desired destination.

If you are feeling frustrated or disheartened about achieving a goal, this is one of the most important skills for success for you to remember.

Focus on the now to feel renewed.
Now is a new beginning.

To hold onto your past is to horde experiences, which clutters your way forward. To enter the now, let the past go.

Be a beginner now: now is the time to begin the creation of what you want right now.

Here is another of those “secret” skills for success; it relates to letting go of the past.  This is the success skill of being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present.

You have to notice that you are holding
onto the past to let it go!

As you practice the skills for success of:

  • Being aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the present
  • And of letting go of the burden of thinking about the disappointing past, you accomplish two things

  1. You will feel freer, lighter and more energized in the present moment
  2. You will be giving your all right now for all you want right now

Put these skills for success to work for you to discover just how wonderfully they really do work!

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Children’s Feelings And Behavior Problems

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

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Child behavior problems don’t just happen. They can always be attributed to causes.

What we label “behavior problems” are behaviors that lead the child into difficulty, and/or which we simply find it difficult to deal with.

The “difficult” infant may be trying to us simply because we find the natural, instinctive ways of an infant hard for us to handle.

How we respond to a child’s behavior influences the child’s future behavior

Our lack of patience, understanding, and child-relationship skills may be the cause

We can create behavior problems by misreading what the child actually needs from us to develop more caring, orderly, responsible behavior.

How we respond to a child’s behavior influences
the child’s future behavior.

One way to avoid creating behavior problems or making them worse is to practice reading your child’s feelings.  This requires observing the child calmly and perceptively to sense the emotion expressing through the child’s face, gestures, movements, sounds and words.

If you repeatedly, harshly hurt a child’s feelings, deepening the child’s sadness and distrust in you, the child is bound to demonstrate increasingly challenging behavior problems. From the standpoint of child behavior, it doesn’t matter if you do this unintentionally.

For children to behave well they need
to feel basically secure.

One common cause of overlooking a child’s feelings is over-relying on words to understand the child.  Even with the most verbally skillful adults, 75% of communication occurs on a non-verbal level.  To adequately relate with anyone we need to look and listen for the non-verbal cues of the individual’s present emotional condition.

Another cause of overlooking a child’s feelings has to do with our automatic reactions to the child’s behavior.

Automatic reactions miss the signs that
convey what the child needs.

When a child defies our direction, does the opposite of what she knows we expect, creates a mess or confronts us with any other challenge, to avoid causing more severe behavior problems, we need to base our response on how the child is feeling.

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Tap The Power of Inspiring Thoughts

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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inspirational thoughts give positive power

The purpose of thought is creation. You create what you think about.

Have you ever wondered where your inspiring thoughts come from?

Inspiring thoughts come from a center of deep inner peace.

Worrisome thinking arises from an anxious, nervous state.

Understanding the source of inspiring thoughts can help you choose your thoughts for positive power.

The purpose of thought is creation.
You create what you think about.
To choose your thoughts is to
choose your destiny.

Inspiring thoughts create conditions that you desire.

When you worry, your thinking forms possibilities you don’t want.

When you connect with inspiring thoughts you feel spiritually uplifted.

When you connect with worrisome thoughts you feel strained, drained and demoralized.

When you feel inspired by the idea of creating, say, a great work of art, or a great business, you can then form that idea into a goal and take action aimed at accomplishing that goal.

The inspiration you feel when you revisit that idea fuels your motivation to work, overcome obstacles and persevere through losses and difficulty.

Every moment you spend worrying, though, drains you of that motivation and leads you toward dreadful possibilities.

Since inspirational thoughts are more constructive than worry,
you would think that no one would choose worry.
And yet, we do make that choice.

We worry because we believe, either consciously or unconsciously, that we have no choice.  But we actually do have a choice.

You can shift out of a worried thought just as you can choose to think about a pink elephant, and then shift your thought to a blue elephant, at will.

To Shift From Worry To Inspiration

  • Take a few calming breaths, rest from activity, and ask yourself, “What would I love to bring about in my life?”
  • Follow that with a calm, quiet, inner openness and trust that an idea will come.
  • Your inspirational thoughts will soon begin to flow.

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Break Up Advice For Leavers

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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Relationship advice on break up of a relationship

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

One of the most important pieces of “break up advice” for leavers has to do with the relationship between endings and new beginnings.

More specifically, this “break up advice” pertains to the role of compassion and integrity in HOW you leave.

Of course out of a sheer sense of compassion and integrity you want to be kind and
considerate of the other’s feelings in the way you make your exit.
This break up advice should go without saying.

But a deeper understanding can help drive this break up advice home. When you repress your sense of compassion and integrity, it will eat away at you on some level, making you feel unworthy of love, respect, trust, happiness, health and success.  And when you feel unworthy of these, a part of you works at sabotaging them.

Beyond this, it is important to understand that how you end one relationship determines how your next relationship will go.

Essential Break Up Advice: Remember that if you behave in a dishonest, self-serving, cruel
or callous manner you are headed toward others who behave that way.

We attract the lessons we need to choose life-paths that express the utmost compassion and integrity.

You will attract into your life people and circumstances that bring you some form of suffering as a result of your selfish choices to teach you the truth that selfishness really does not work.

The way you end a relationship is really the beginning or the seed of the next relationship you enter.

Just as the seed contains the total potential of the plant it can become, your new relationship is bound to express the same level of selfishness that you expressed in ending your previous relationship.

The purpose of this “break up advice” is not to persuade you to remain in a relationship that you believe in your heart is truly over, but rather to clarify the importance of practicing
self-honesty every step of the way.

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Child Discipline Alternative To Saying “No”

By Bob Lancer
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

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Frustration and child discipline do not mix well

For easier child discipline, try telling your child HOW or WHEN she CAN do what she wants, instead of bluntly clashing against her will.

When it comes to child discipline, “no” does not always seem to work.

One reason for this is the natural, human tendency to go into denial.  When your child wants to do something, and you say “no”, a part of him that does not want to hear that, causing him to, perhaps unconsciously, pretend you did not say it.

But even when you have your child’s full attention, the word “no” may still not work well for you.  One reason for this is that it simply presents opposition, which will likely frustrate your child, and frustration and child discipline do not mix well.

One effective child discipline alternative to saying “no” is to redirect instead of merely to block.

Rather then simply saying “no” let your child know
what he CAN do instead.

For instance, if your child asks for a cookie, you might say, “You can have a cookie after you eat all of your lunch later.”

If your child wants to play outside, but it’s too dark out for you to allow it, instead of saying “no” you might say, “You can play outside only when it is light enough to be safe.”

If your child snatches something from her younger sister, instead of simply barking out, “no!” you might say, “You can play with that when she is done.”

By letting your child know what he CAN do, you diminish his natural resistance to opposition.

While it requires a bit more patience and self-control to replace your automatic “no” with a reasonable, positive response, it saves you the strain of a power-struggle.  It also helps your child to remain more calm and rational because children feel how we feel while we are with them.

For easier child discipline, try telling your child HOW or WHEN she CAN
do what she wants, instead of bluntly clashing against her will.

Receive your FREE Parenting Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Looking For Love Works

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

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looking for love

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Based on the absolutely reliable law of life: seek and you will find, there is definitely wisdom in looking for love.

Time is all that separates seeking and finding, but we never really know for sure how long it will take us to find what – or who – we seek.

But we can trust in the fact that we shorten the time between seeking and finding the more we develop and apply our power of focus.

To find the love that you are looking for may require a great deal of perseverance.  Along the way to any goal of great importance to us, we need to be willing to pass through valleys of disappointment.

One key to successfully looking for love involves learning how to pass through disappointment.  And the vital element to bear in mind regarding this is passing through.

When we land in yet another disappointment, it’s all too easy to get stuck there. We get stuck in disappointment by keeping the idea of it in mind.  Whatever you focus upon, though, is where you are headed.  That is why looking for love works.

As long as you are anticipating disappointment you are not fully looking for love.  You are at least partially looking for lovelessness.

To find the love you are looking for, therefore, you need to free your focus from expectations of a replay of a sorrowful past episode in your love-life.

To do this, intentionally direct your focus to contemplate the experience of love that you want in your life.  The more you practice this, the clearer your love-goal grows and the more attuned you will be to recognize your opportunity for achieving it.

Looking for love with doubt that it can happen means that you are looking with a split focus. Doubting that you can achieve what you want keeps a part of your attention fixated on failure.

Look into your heart to feel, know and envision the love you want in your life.
Looking for the love you want works.

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Recapture Love In Your Relationships

By Bob Lancer
Thursday, January 27th, 2011

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Love leaves relationships when we leave love. Love leaves relationships when we overlook how we leave love.

 We leave love by holding onto ideas of our partner and of our relationship
that close our heart with a wall of fear.

 Clinging to ideas about what others have done or may do that disturbs you locks you into threatening visions that remove your love from relationships.

 Your mind then relates with the vision as the reality and begins relating with the other as an enemy, in a state of unhappy conflict.

This, in turn, causes the other to feel insecure and become defensive. Then both parties leave love and hide their hearts behind protective barriers of fear.

Conflict in love relationships

Insecurity steals our love from relationships and it often hides behind critical reactions of annoyance, impatience, frustration and rage.

 In a long term relationship, critically, fearfully thinking about our partner
can become a deeply and strongly rooted habit.

 When you take responsibility for your critical, insecure thought and feeling patterns you can begin to let them go. Gradually, you can withdraw your energy from the habitual fear-patterns that would otherwise withdraw your love from relationships.

 As you do this you will discover that love is a safe “place” to be.

 But the insecurity that steals our love from relationships is not always obvious.  It hides behind critical reactions of annoyance, impatience, frustration and rage. 

 The more anger one lives in, the more insecure one feels.

 Fear is why we can only change our angry, critical patterns gradually. We are afraid to let go, afraid to open our hearts. The key to returning love to our relationships is to take tiny “baby” steps toward liberation.

Each time that you engage, or re-engage, in a critical, angry emotional reaction you feed your fear-to-love-habit and it grows stronger. 

Every moment that you release yourself from the habit by letting go of the critical thought and feeling that expresses it, the habit weakens and sets your love free.

Though this practice, you will soon find yourself more quickly recognizing when you are leaving love in your relationships, and more quickly and easily let that love-blockage go.

Gradually free yourself from your heart-departures by GENTLY withdrawing small degrees of energy from that reaction.  You can do this by:

  • Speaking a little softer,
  • Releasing some of your tension
  • Taking a breath to calm yourself just a bit
  • Letting go of the critical thought that triggers your rejection of love.

 Each time you do this, the grip of insecurity weakens, releasing more energy for love to return and grow in your relationships.

Receive your FREE Relationship Advice through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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Don’t Be Misled By Success Secrets

By Bob Lancer
Monday, January 24th, 2011

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Free your mind from negative to think positive

Switching from negative to positive thinking is not as effortless as it might seem.

One danger of the success secrets movement is that it often makes success sound too easy.   Then, when things don’t change that easily, individuals may feel so disappointed that they give up trying to improve their circumstances.

While it’s true, for instance, that visualizing what you want draws it to you, and holding onto a thought about what you do NOT want brings more of that into your life, switching from negative to positive thinking is not as effortless as it might seem.

How we think is habitual, and we can change long-standing habits by only small degrees at a time. Making major change requires long-term discipline. 

The success secrets movement also often misleads by overlooking the crucial practice of self-awareness.  So much of a person’s negative thinking goes on UNCONSCIOUSLY, and one cannot change what one is not aware of.

 Until one becomes sufficiently self-aware, one confuses troubling thoughts about life, self, others and situations with the reality those thoughts represent. And this makes one’s problems seem inescapable.

 Whatever you think is just a mental projection.

The longer you hold onto a disturbing mental projection, the more powerful and dominating
you make it.

 Another way that success secrets often mislead is by overlooking the critical, causal relationship between thought and emotion. For example, when you feel angry, thinking fixates on what makes you angry. When desire is triggered, thoughts fixate on what you want to be true, blinding you to costs and dangers.

Practice being aware of your thinking, emotion, mood, attitude and desire in the present.  This will help you to avoid fixating, and thereby empowering the negative thinking that produces what you do NOT want in your life.

 You CAN apply success secrets to soar into the highest levels of accomplishment you can imagine by practicing more self-awareness and remaining committed for the long-term.

Receive your FREE Advice for your success through this blog. Simply ask Bob Lancer your question and receive his Lancer’s Answer in this blog.

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5 Mantras Of Positive Thinking

By noahbrown
Friday, January 21st, 2011

If you are constantly blaming others for everything wrong in your personal and professional life, if you are feeling low and depressed for a long period of time, if you don’t look forward to anything; then it is time to take a hard look at your own attitude and make a conscious effort towards changing it.

negative thoughts

Negative thinking drains the joy out of everything you do

Negative attitude stems from negative thoughts and it can be very harmful if this habit is continued for a long period of time. Negative thinking drains the joy out of everything you do. The same job, which may seem drab and dreary to you if you are thinking negative, will turn satisfying and encouraging if you look upon it as an opportunity for doing something or learning something new. Here are 5 mantras to help you develop the habit of positive thinking:

Seek the company of positive people

The first and the easiest thing that you can do to develop positing thinking is to spend time with the people who think positive. Just as a smile elicits a reciprocal smile, positive thinking too is contagious. People who look up the brighter side of life even in the midst of odds, make other around them think positive about themselves.

If you stay with negative people they will only push you into more negativity. Instead try and always surround yourself with helpful, strong, confident people who encourage you and help you see things in a positive way.

Speak and think positive words

Whether you are thinking or conversing with others, always use positive words. Instead of saying ‘I can’t', say words such as ‘I can’, ‘It is possible’, ‘I am able’ and so on. While conversing, use words that evoke feelings of joy, strength and success. Whenever you feel like giving up, repeat it to yourself that you can do it. You will be amazed to find how much strength you can draw from your positive thoughts.

However thinking or repeating positive words for a few minutes in a day is not enough. You have to consciously make it your habit to always use positive words and refrain from anything negative.

Control your thoughts

Negative thoughts can sometimes come flooding in and drown you in negativity. They are not easily swept away either. You have to work towards turning your negative thinking into positive thoughts. Whenever a negative thought begins to develop in your mind, dump it and instead substitute the depressing, doubtful thoughts with good, confident thoughts. Don’t let your emotions rule you. Instead you rule your mind and thoughts.

Change your lifestyle

Exercise regularly and eat good, healthy food. All these things will also make you feel and think good. Watch a good movie which makes you feel happy. Enroll yourself in dance or music classes, learn swimming, read good books and do things that make you feel good. Cook something special if cooking is something that makes you happy.

Moreover, bring about a little change in your home as well. De-clutter your surroundings. Dump all the unnecessary things which you don’t need anymore into the trash bin. Clean up the house and rearrange things, such as shifting the furniture around or reorganizing the closet. And surround yourself with beautiful things such as a photo frame of your family, colorful potted plants or flowers, and whatever you like.

Watch motivational videos

In addition, watch some motivational videos which inspire you to think positive. There are various websites which boast of an impressive collection of inspirational quotes and video messages which offer success secrets of brightest of minds . In fact, make it a point to daily watch a motivational video which inspire you to face life’s challenges powerfully, assist in your personal development and encourage you to stay positive always.

You can even become a member of Wisie.com and receive daily inspirational videos on positive thinking, relationship advice, parenting advice and success secrets. Inspirational videos with the motivational messages will keep you motivated towards your intents and help you realize your dreams.

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